If we fight, we'll fight together

Sat, 02 May 2009 06:55:24 GMT

I made kind of a horrible realization tonight: I'm absolutely terrified to come back to school after my year off. This year has been complete shit as far as my school life is concerned, and I realized that I've just been riding it out and waiting for the end. I have no idea what will await me when I return, but if it's more of the same (or worse), I honestly don't know if I can handle it. Last year was so amazing, and I remember being really happy and feeling like I was surrounded by friends all the time. This year, its been lonely. Too many hours alone in my room, never time to talk to anyone. Very few people to talk to when I did have time. I've lost a lot of friends, and I don't think I can handle another year like this. Though, if it happens, I'll have to I guess. And fuck, I have no idea what I'm doing my senior year, when most of the few people I interact with will be gone. God, I hope I get put into a new house and can make new friends. I wish I went to school closer to home.
I really can't handle another year like this.
I hope everything works out okay.
I'm so nervous I can't sleep >_<

Anniversary post

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 03:25:59 GMT

So, it was a pretty amazing day. Daisy drove me back to school last night. we hung out with Rachel when we got here, and went to the diner. then we said goodnight, and the two of us went for a walk (which was rather short due to the cold). We went back to my room, watched Lost, and exchanged gifts, then passed out.

Today, we slept in, and decided to lie in bed for a while, since we didn't have time to get food before I had class. We went for coffee, and walked around campus for a bit, then he spent time with Rachel and Katie, while I spent an excruciatingly boring hour in class. He and I then went for lunch, got more coffee, and decided to pack up a picnic and go for a walk around the lake. We stopped for a while and skipped rocks, and explored the whole length of the trail, then stopped again to lay out a sheet and cuddle in the meadow (which was again cut short by cold). Along the way back, we ran into a girl who had fallen into the water, and let her dry her computer on the sheet we brought, and gave her chocolate (she looked like she needed it).

Then he helped me with my taxes, we played a few games of pool (I was sorely beaten) and walked around town until we found somewhere to eat. Now he's on his way home, and I'm studying for tomorrow's test, and i really miss him, but I had an amazingly perfect day ^________^

It really is crazy how much can happen in a year. Everything is so different now (and I am definitely okay with that ^_^ )

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:11:02 GMT

This weekend was pretty fuckin amazing - I'm not quite ready to get back into the weekly swing of things yet. On Friday, I met with the class dean, who said it was fine if a took a year off. Then Daisy came to visit ^_^ He, Rachel, and I went for pizza, hung out in town, and played Guillotine while having a rice party. Daisy and I watched Lost and went to bed. Saturday was gorgeous, so Daisy and I explored parts of town we had never been (found a sketchy comic shop), then walked the trail by the lake, and stopped to juggle in the meadow. He taught me a bunch of new juggling tricks, and a juggled pins for the first time ever!! We went back to the house, met up with RB, Katey, and Rachel, and played laser tag at the mall, where we beat the crap out of some Mount Holyoak girls (it was the six of us versus the 14 of them, and we still got about double their score). We went tot he diner, then hung out at the house for a bit. Daisy taught pool and juggling. The Daisy and I went for a walk at like 2AM, which was pretty awesome ^_^ (I haven't just walked around at night in a long time, and the weather was really pleasant). Today Daisy and I went into town for lunch, went shopping, hit the con for a few minutes, came back and played guittine for a bit with Katey and Rachel. we all went for ice cream, then daisy and I went for dinner. We came back, and Daisy and I played a game of pool (I still suck, but less ^_^;; ) and then he left, and now I miss him a bunch.

2 kind of funny gender occurences of the weekend:
1) We went to a store where Daisy got ankle bells for himself. He brought them to the register, handed them to the women, and payed for them, without making any gesture towards me. The women then turned to me and asked if I wanted a bag >_<
2) The at dinner, which I got to pay for 'cause Daisy paid for everything all weekend and I really wanted to treat him to something, I put my card in the little bill-holder thing (does that thing have a name?) the woman asked Daisy if that was how he was paying, took it, went to the register, came back with a pen, and put it in front of him. She looked super embarassed when I picked it up to sign ^_^;;;

So, I was talking to Daisy about it this weekend, and I think I won't be going as cast this year. I need to work as much as possible over the summer, and I also just don't think I can be ready for auditions in time (I have way to much schoolwork on my plate currently). Sorry guys. I will, however, definitely be at faire this year (barring work being an issue) and I'll be returning to cast when I go back to school after my year off (its a lot easier to do cast while at school, because work study lets you pick shifts, so you never have to work weekends). So, one year off from cast, but I'll still be at faire, and I'll be back in cast after this year probably <3

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:10:32 GMT

So, everyone's been telling me all these horror stories about how hard it is to get personal leave for a year. I showed up at the deans office, and waited nervously to debate and petition to get my year off. The conversation went "So, I'd like to take a year of personal leave. . ." "Sounds like a good idea, I'll go get you that form." ". . . oh! Cool!" Turns out, they don't give a damn if you want a year off, so long as you contact them when you're coming back so you don't run into trouble. So now my biggest problem is figuring out if I will actually go for the year off, and figuring out if I'm going to try for cast for faire this year. *sigh* decisions, decisions.

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 19:20:52 GMT

It's getting warmer, which is making me very happy ^_^ It's funny, I used to get upset when it stopped snowing, because it meant the end of staying up watching the weather and hoping for a snow day. But now that snow days rarely ever happen, I just want it to be warm, so I can wear sandals and go out and take pictures, and juggle in that meadow off the trail. Even though today is rainy, I'm enjoying it, because it's rain and not snow, and I can go around without a coat, and the breeze isn't bitter.

On the down side, I can't really enjoy the weather, because this week is ending up way more busy than I was expecting. Even though I got all my papers done last week, I have so many small assignments and quizzes and whatnot that I don't really have time t slack off. I'm just looking forward to this weekend, and going home and then to Manchester. It should be a very nice break, it just waiting for it that sucks ^_^;;

Musing. . .

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 00:05:27 GMT

So in class today, we were talking about how in Chinese culture, red is a sign of good things, and green is a sign of bad ones, unlike america where its the other way around. And I was thinking, there have been studies done where they found that green has a calming effect on people, and red can induce anger and whatnot, and I was just wondering - if you preformed these tests in other cultures, would you get varying results? and in that case, would that mean that response to colors is learned rather than instinctive?
Just a random train ofthought that I didnt have tiem to bring up in class. . .

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:31:28 GMT

Okay guys - I need technical input!
My ipod headphone jack is broken. Sound still comes out, but it fades in and out of one ear - I think there must be a loose contact. i don't have the money for a new ipod, so I was thinking about getting one of the ipod docks with the audio output, on the assumption that this wouldnt need an external powersource for that feature to work. Any idea if this will work???? (I reaaaallly don't want to go 4 months without being able to use my ipod sans speakers)
<3

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 02:35:29 GMT

So, I'm back at school. Having fun, I guess. Last week was kind of rough, but a surprise visit on Sunday from Daisy, Kym, and mom made it all alright ^_^ It was very amazing to see them, especially so unexpectadly. Now it's back to the school week and all that fun shit, but I just have to make it through the next few day until I get to come home for Imbolc! I can't wait to see everyone!
I should probably do some homework before the daily show, but I probably won't. . .

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 05:26:02 GMT

So break has been super perfect so far. No (major) fights with the parents. I'm not sick anymore, and am finally healed enough that I can eat real food AND it doesn't hurt to drink water. I've gotten to roleplay a bunch this week, and despite being kinda of a pissy pain in the ass when the idea of roleplaying first came up, really really enjoyed myself, and now am psyched to hopefully play more before I go back to school. Oh, also good news, I visited my grandparents the other day, and my grandfather is doing a lot better than people had been telling me he was. Like, not great, but no where near what I had been told. So that was cool. Ummmm, besides that, just a lot of hanging out with people I love, so a really great break, that I'm sure has a lot of fun things left in it. Very cool ^_^

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:14:51 GMT

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Joined the cast at faire, declared my major/minor, had a real on-the-books job

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I have no idea what my new year's resolution was, or even if I had one. This year though, I'm gonna try to be nicer in general - I lose my temper to easily.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. My grandfather.

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Financial stability would be awesome.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 13th - kind of a day of beginnings in more than one aspect.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making a lot of friends ^_^

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being kind of a dick for the last few months, and letting financial things get to me

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The throat thing during faire was pretty horrible, as is the whole currently getting over being ill thing

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Ummmm, I don't really buy nice things. . . Probably my Firefly hoodie, since I practically live in it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyone from faire for being there when I had off days, School friends for dealing with me, Austin of course, and Daisy for just generally being awesome (and being manly and installing things in my room, and taking really good care of me when I was sick <3<3<3 )

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
*sigh* these things are better kept private, not bitched about on the internet. Those who need to know do.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I have no clue - textbooks?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Comic con, Faire, Halloween weekend, People visiting me at school

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Curse of curves, not sure why

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier ^_^
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same? I should do something about that ^_^;;
iii. richer or poorer? About the same - yay being poor

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studying - I should have worked a bit harder at classes. And knitting - I havent finished a project in forever.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
procrastinating, worrying, and snapping at people

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Like a classic Jew - going out for chinese food and a movie. Only, this year I was too sick to eat anything, and there were no good movies, so it was more like going out and watching people eat, then going home again.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Very much so ^_^

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite TV program?
House. And Doctor Who. and Lost. And Torchwood. And Boston Legal. And Psych. And the list goes on. . .

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I'm not sure. I think so. That's kinda shitty - oh well *shrug*

26. What was the best book you read?
Dream of a Common Language, I read it for class, but really really liked it.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
That Samie and Matt sing a great falsetto?
And that Ludo is Brilliant.

28. What did you want and get?
My own room at home, to see everyone from home a lot, a lovely new camera (and, most importantly, the lovely person that gave it to me ^_~ )

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I can't really think of one. Oh! I really liked Charlie Barttlet

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Did I have a birthday cake? I can't remember ^_^;; Oh, and I was 19

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Um, the summer could have gone a bit smoother. . .

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Goodwill pants and geeky t-shirts (man, I need new clothes).

34. What kept you sane?
Daisy and Austin <3 They pretty much got me through the summer.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
John Barrowman, damn is being gay and married

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nothing really - everyone at school was so busy arguing the same shit over and over, I stopped caring.

37. Who did you miss?
Everyone at some point, depending on where I was at the moment.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
All the firsties, and everyone in cast who I didn't already know ^_^

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Just shut up and be happy - anything worth worrying about will find a way of working itself out.

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 00:15:11 GMT

*sigh* so this weekend ended up less fun than intended, solely due to the fact that I got horribly ill. The nausea has gone away *crosses fingers it will stay that way) but my throat and gums are both really swollen. The doctor was kind of a bitch, and replied to the mouth symptom with "Well, I'm not a dentist". See now, I'm of the opinion that when organs that close show the same symptom at exactly the same time, chances are it isn't coincidence. She thinks its viral, not strep or mono (guh, if it were mono that would pretty much destroy my break). So all I have to do is wait it out for a few more days (I hope). Oh, and she gave me prescription mouth wash, because she clearly doesn't get the relation of symptoms, so I'll still feel shitty, but I'll have nice breath I guess?

Oh, and thank you to everyone who's been helping take care of me! <3

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:46:35 GMT

2008 IS ALMOST OVER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

lost a friend?
Heh, several.

stayed single almost the whole year?
Nope.

kissed someone new?
Yesh ^_^

had your heart broken?
Nah

had a stalker?
Nope

done something you've regretted?
Nah, everything led me to here, and I like here, so I'm cool with it

cut class?
A bunch

were involved in something you'll never forget?
A lot of things

visited a different country?
Nah

lost something important to you?
Not that I can think of

got a gift you adored?
A few really sweet ones

dyed your hair?
Hahhahhahhah. . . yes

read a great book?
A few, though I dont have much time to read

saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
They Might Be Giants!

2008:Your Love Life
Did you break up with anyone?
Nope

Did you get anything for Valentine's day?
Nothing special

Did you meet anyone special?
Nope, I already knew him ^_^

Do you like someone right now?
Very very much

2008: Friends and Enemies

Did you meet any new friends this year?
A bunch of firsties ^_^

Did you dislike anyone?
Yep

Did you make any new enemies?
A few

Did you resolve any fights?
Yep, a few through conversation, a few through lack thereof

Did you grow apart from anyone?
Yeah, it sucks

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
I supposed a few, but everything is working out alright

2008: Your BIRTHDAY!

Did you have a cake?
I don't think so, but I had breakfast in bed from my lovely friends ^_^

Did you have a party?
My family came and my freinds, family , and I went out for dinner

Did you get any presents?
Yep yep, though at the moment I can't remember what ^_^;;

If so what was the best thing you got?
*thinks hard* crap, I totally can't remember

2008: All about YOU
Did you change at all this year?
Yes, for the better

Did you get your hair cut?
I cut it a bunhc of times, now I'm growing it out

Did you change your style?
I ran out of jeans, so I started wearing pants

Were you in school?
Yep

Did you have a job?
Over the summer, and workstudy during school

Did you drive?
yeah

Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin

Did you move at all?
nope

Did you go on any vacations?
Comic con ^_^ and to Florida to see my grandparents

Would you change anything about yourself now?
I need to work on being nicer

2008: 2009
Was 2008 a good year?
Despite the horrible summer, I had a lot of fun - a very good year ^_^

Do you think 2009 will top 2008?
Sure, and it'll just keep on getting better, 'cause we said it would, and we don't lie

I confess that in 2008 I...
[ ] stayed single for the whole year
[x] made out
[x] kissed in the snow
[x] celebrated Halloween
[x] kissed in the rain
[ ] had your heart broken
[ ] broke someone else's heart
[ ] had a stalker
[ ] mooned someone
[x]went over the minutes on your cell phone
[x] had a good relationship with someone
[x] someone questioned your sexual orientation
[x] had/have a relationship with someone you'll never forget
[ ] done something you've regretted
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[x] painted a picture
[x] wrote a poem
[x] ran
[ ] shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
[ ] posted a blog on MySpace
[ ] visited a foreign country
[ ] cut in a line of waiting people
[x] told someone you were busy when you werent
[x] partied to celebrate the new year
[x] cooked a disastrous meal
[x] lost something/someone close to you
[ ] lied about how old you were
[ ] prank called someone
[ ] broke a promise
[ ] fallen out of love
[x] lied
[x] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[ ] pretended to be happy
[x] slept under the stars
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed your life
[ ] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[ ] pretended to be sick
[ ] left the country
[x] given up on something/someone important to you
[ ] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up til sunrise.
[x] cried over the silliest thing
[x] was never home on weekends
[x] got into a car accident
[x] had friends who were drifting away from you
[x] had someone close to you die
[ ] had a high cell phone bill
[ ] had a fist fight
[ ] went to the beach with your best friend
[x] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time.

Break so far

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:15:09 GMT

So, I've only been home a few days, but its already been pretty amazing. I was partway through writing up everything I did day by day, when I realized all the days are blended together, and I can't tell time, so I decided to just post highlights ^_^;;

Got my own room for the first time since I was six! It has a bed (that I moved downstairs by myself!), lighting, a door, a doorknob (that locks!) a stereo, and a heater, so I'm content. (Really, it doesn't actually take much to make me happy.)
Daisy put a doorknob on my door, which deserves mention simply because (A) he pieced it together from two broken doorknobs and (B) he used only a drill bit, pliers, and a pocket knife to install it. Thanks honey!!
Cooked a bit. It was nothing particularly nice, but I miss cooking while I'm at school.
Coloured with crayons!
Got snowed in for two days, but had fun cuddling and watching movies.
Went to the city with Sam, Austin, and Daisy, and took lot's of cute pictures (see facebook) and met up with Katie.

Today, Kym and I are making holiday craft and cookies! And then on Christmas, we're doing the typical Jew thing, a movie and Chinese food. And friday its off to the burrow to puppy-sit, followed by Brendan and Lani coming on Saturday ^_^ A very awesome first week back, I must say.

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 08:28:34 GMT

So, I just finished my last paper of the semester. I'm going to give it a once over before I turn it in tomorrow, but the heavy writing part is done. All that's left is making sure I didn't say dumb things in the editing process, should take a total of 20 minutes.

So, now that I'm done, I can focus on all the cool things I have planned - general plans for break include:
~Crafts and Cookies with Kym (I could totally market that as a kid's show or something ^_~ )
~Dog-sitting at the burrow, complete with meeting Lani and getting to see Brendan (and I hear he's cooking too ^_^ )
~Shopping with the lovely Leah
~Rachel maybe visiting with friends from Oklahoma!
~Getting to see everyone at the twelfth night gathering
~Getting friendnapped to CT by Jenn
~Not missing the murder mystery this year (Baruch threatened me ^_^;; )
~Whatever else ends up getting added to this list, or that I've forgotten

I am very psyched for this break, and super thrilled to be going home tomorrow!
I just have to pack and clean, then I get to sleep until lunch tomorrow. Very sweet ^_^

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 05:21:00 GMT

Tomorrow, I'll take my japanese final and then hopefully finish both papers I've been working on. If I actually keep up a decent pace, I should be finished with finals by the time I go to sleep tomorrow. All in all, this has been a pretty awesome finals period. Like, sure, I'm super nervous about the test tomorrow, and my papers are pretty shitty, but at no time during this week did I hit a point where I felt overwhelmed, making it a very very nice finals period (as for as final periods go).

Then I can pack/clean and hang out on Thursday, and come home Friday. Man, if this is crunch time, I feel waaay more relaxed than I thought I would. Very cool *knocks on wood*

Procrastination Provided By Katie

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 20:48:33 GMT

It's finals so what better way to waste spend your time than with a meme? Take a picture of your desk during reading period/finals and point out the finer aspects of it for the whole world to see! Don't be ashamed, we're all slobs when we have to cram information into our brains.

Thank you Katie for the procrastination, and look! My desk is really effin' clean, especially considering it's finals! ^___^ *proud*

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 06:06:43 GMT

Rachel and I are awesome ^_^
"Why" you ask?
Because we took a study break to draw hearts in the snow.
And ran around giggling like morons.
And it was awesome.

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 03:19:32 GMT

I should be working, so clearly I'm going to post on LJ instead. I've had a lot on my mind lately. One thing that's come to mind is that recently I've been writing out things out here more often than in my physical journal. As sad as it is to not be putting my journal to good use, I think this is a good thing. It means I'm being more open. I'm more willing to tell people when I'm upset, rather than hide it away. I think I'll start copying rants into my journal though, just because the act of writing makes me happy.

Something else that's been bothering me lately is missing friends, even if I know they weren't really all that great for me. I keep seeing things or hearing songs that remind me of people who no longer speak to me. Some of them I know I can't patch things up with, and its better for them if I don't try. But there are some who I could actually see things working out with, but I'm afraid to take the first step. And its not just fear - I know intellectually that they were very bad friends, and they haven't changed, and no matter how nostalgic I get, it would be stupid to bring all that trouble back into my life.

But speaking of friends, I just feel the need to say that everyone I met through faire has continued to make my life amazing, even now that I haven't seen many of them since the run ended. It's amazing to know that when I have a rough day, there's so many new people I have to rely on. Not to say my other friends aren't important and supportive, they really are. It's just, I haven't had this many friends since everyone stopped speaking to me in high school, and to have the old, kinda horrible friends replaced by an entire group of new and amazing people, it's very cool.

I've also been thinking a lot about my year off. I'm really excited ^_^ I've been burnt out and poor for far too long - I'm really looking forward to a year of doing all those things that school makes impossible. Knitting, juggling, getting a car, reading. Being spontaneous. It's a type of freedom that I don't think I've ever really experienced, and I'm really looking forward to have a chance to just exist for a while. To really just take things in for a while.

The next 2 weeks are going to be ridiculously difficult. Japanese and constant paper-writing. But I'll tackle it and be home by the 19th, and everything will be fine. everything in perspective, its just 2 weeks of stress in an entire lifetime - it doesn't really mean much. Keeping perspective during finals is always difficult, but it's important. It's not the end of the bloody world, just a few tests and you go on living like nothing bad ever happened.

<3

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:49:46 GMT

Sometimes I hate the way my mom phrases things. It's like she's trying to make me cry. I know how hard it is for nana now that grandpa's gone. I don't need her to constantly emphasize it so I'll remember. And I do think of grandpa every time I find something I know he would have enjoyed, I don't need her pointing out to me all the things he would have loved to have me share with him. It stings enough without her putting it into words. And I know that my dad's father is getting worse everyday, and I know we're running out of time, and I may never see him again. He doesn't even have a phone for me to call. I know this, I don't need her to make it worse with her cliched phrases and constant reminders. I can't tell her to stop, it would be callous. But I wish she would. I know all the facts, and I feel all the pain already, all she's doing is making me cry.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 06:55:55 GMT

Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now. You think I'm kidding, but I really do mean RIGHT NOW.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence as a comment HERE then repost these instructions on your page.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual, don't be a pretentious twat. Use the CLOSEST.

"When I woke up, I started reading all my old diaries."

Book: Meadowlands
Author: Louise Gluck

(reading it for school, but really enjoying it. Not as much as Adrienne Rich, because Gluck is bitter where Rich is romanticized, and I've been more in the mood for romanticized lately. But still very good. And intentionally funny in a sad way. It's as easy to relate to as Rich - not in the same way, because I really don't agree with Gluck's view of love, but there are still many aspects of her poems that resonate. )
. . . enough procrastination, I have an anthro paper to finish before I sleep.

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 17:25:09 GMT

So things that have happened from the bad to the good.

Wednesday night, there was an impromptu party. Despite everyone being a bit sleepy, it was fun ^_^ Creepy, Leah, and Jineen came over to join Daisy and I - It was great seeing everyone ^_^

Thanksgiving was pretty horrible. Family drama spiraled out of control, as it is wont to do. Things calmed down though, and then Daisy came over for a while, and then took me to the burrow. We played apples to apples, Arthur declared himself less intelligent than mold, I found out that I don't actually suck at wii sports when certain people aren't making fun of me the whole time, and then Daisy and I talked with Jamie for a long time, which was really nice ^_^
Oh yeah, and Sammie is adorable - be sure to tell him that, in the most obnoxious voice you can. . .

Oh, something really cool - I gave my mom my deviant art site, and she has been showing it around to various artists. They've essentially said that I'm in the wrong major, and that they love my work. Someone saw my self portrait and suggested that I start a line of pithy, self-published greeting cards (maybe I should start an etsy shop? ). Also, one of them has family ties to the head of the illustrators guild, and wants to get me in contact. I really wasn't expecting this to turn into such a big thing, but its good to hear. ^_^

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:12:54 GMT

Thanks for all the well-wishes everyone <3 It's really nice to know that when I'm feeling down, the entire faire family is there to cheer me up - and it definitely worked -You guys are amazing! ^_^

Today started off pretty awful, but really went up from there. Got a nice email from mom, who has apparently been showing off my artwork around the library. It feels a little show-off-y, but it is nice to hear that everyone likes it ^_^ Then I met with a Professor who made me feel like I was finally understanding her course. And I was able to show her despite falling asleep all the time, that I really do care about what she's teaching. And that I may have bombed the last paper, but this one is going to be amazing (she really liked all my ideas). She also validated my year off, saying that she took one and it was the best thing she ever did in her life. despite her parents freaking out. It was a really nice talk, and one I really needed, seeing as I was really worried about taking her course next semester after doing so poorly this one. I really wanted her to know I appreciated her course, and really am excited for the next one.

I'm feeling good today. Today, I get to do a little more work, pack, and sleep. No stress. And then by this time tomorrow I'll be home. I'm definitely feeling a lot better ^_^

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:05:49 GMT

Guh, I've been feeling like shit for days. I have no idea why. Well, I have some idea why (stress, drama, isolation, lack of sleep, too much work, lack of money), but if that's all it is, I'm surprised its been affecting me to that degree for that long. I've been trying really hard to stay upbeat, but I'm not doing a terribly good job. *shrug* Oh well, by this time tomorrow, I will be packed and ready to go, and won't have to think about all this shit until I get back. The weeks between break and the end of the semester will be rough, but I'll deal with it when I get there.
I'm positive there must be an unaddressed underlying problem that's making me feel so shitty - It's driving me crazy that I can't figure out what it is!

Well, whatever it is, posting about it made me feel better and now I can get shit done and go to bed ^_^

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 13:30:12 GMT

So I called my mom last night, and it was decided I'm going to take out a bunch of loans to finish out the year - so I will definitely be back here for second semester. After that *shrug* we'll see? I'm assuming I'll be taking a year off, but I don't actually know. Making plans with my mother is kind of a pain - she likes to stall big decisions, I like to get them over with. I hate not knowing what's going to happen >_

Musings of the Moment

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:47:17 GMT

I came to the realization today that I had even less of an identity than I thought I did. I've always been aware that my personality is kind of amorphous, or rather, its relative. I think about things too much to be the same person in different situations. This has made it pretty difficult get a handle on what my personality is like, because I have too many inherent contradictions to be successfully summed up. I'm easily entertained by small things, but rarely swayed by important situations. I'm stressed among the relaxed ones, and relaxed when everyone's stressed. I'm a bitch who just wants to make everyone happy, and a nice person who's also a sarcastic dick. I'm logical and think things out, but often act on my emotions. I'm cynical but optimistic, and though I don't trust people, I always give them the benefit of a doubt, and a second chance. I really have no idea how people view me, because it seems that each one I talk to has a different insight.

But really, isn't that the way it is with everyone? I'm no more complex than the next person, and I'm sure everyone I know is multifaceted in ways that I don't even see at the moment. And that's what makes knowing people so interesting; everyone has a different side to show in a new situation, and if you know someone long enough and stick with them through various life events, you get to see their personality shimmer. You may be able to understand the whole thing at one time, but you can catch a glimpse of all the different glimmers over time. People act like the longer you know someone, the less interesting they get - but really, the longer you know someone, the more there is to learn. A new person can't really surprise you, because you have no idea what they're like. An old friend, however, has the opportunity to challenge your preconceived notions and make you see things previously invisible to your eye.

People are interesting.